Hello, my name is Michael Hughes. I answer to Mike, Michael, Hughes, and a numerous amount of obscenities thanks to my time in the army.

I'm originally from a small town named Kendall in Western New York. No, I have not been to New York City. I know that is weird but it was a seven-hour drive away and my father raised me to hate cities because as he was a truck driver, cities are difficult to drive through. 

I join the Army in 2003 and deployed as an infantryman three times to that delightful country of Iraq. If you do not what an infantryman is, try these other nomenclatures: bang-switch operator or bullet catcher. I have been shot at and my truck has been blown up, but I remain intact and unharmed. besides my old, creaky bones.

Deployments may sound scary or exciting, but I assure you it is much more boring than anything else. I have spent probably a cumulative solid year in one guard tower or another. That is a year of trying to stay awake, communicate with someone that does not speak English, or finding inventive ways to mess with your friend. I have woken up friends that I would still die for, in some of the worst ways possible. An example of this would be when someone fell asleep behind a machine gun, supposedly protecting us, and I field goal kicked his ribs before immediately screaming at him.  I was his team leader and potentially he could have got us killed by not watching the door he was assigned to. Yes, I see that that may have been a little overkill now.

The army ruined my first marriage, thankfully, but it reinvigorated my love of writing. I am a creative writing major, but my only complete stories I have are the "bedtime stories" I made up for my friends while deployed. I read to those killers in a kindergarten teacher's voice about kittens and squirrels going through fantastic journeys before dying horrifically at the end. They are funny to me and almost no one else.

After eight years, I left the army and tagged along with a friend to come to Utah as New York only held an ex-wife and mooching parents. I've lived here for about six years and I am about to celebrate my third-year anniversary with my new wife. She had four kids that were there before I showed up. I love them like my own but I would not recommend doing the same, as it is quite the strain on the wallet. I have never been accused of being too smart.

My dream is to write novels, but laziness may lead me toward screenplays because they are slightly shorter. Either way would be an amazing way to support the family. Also, it would allow me to stop painting jets on Hill Air Force Base, which may sound like an interesting job, however the survival rate after retiring is quite low with all the cancerous paints we use daily. I really hope to avoid such a death, though with my lineage, it could be in my future no matter what.