The example I found is a paragraph from a short story titled, “Zebra,” by Chaim
Potok. This is the first part of the story and it uses many of the suggestions
from chapter 10 from “When Worlds Collide.”
One of the suggestions this excerpt demonstrates is
liveliness. “When Worlds Collide” says that liveliness is “…composition that
moves along at a good clip, involving readers or listeners and carrying them
briskly from paragraph to paragraph.” I think this story is a great example of
liveliness. I think it captures the reader and moves them from paragraph to
paragraph. Taking this idea even further, I think the story carries the reader
from word to word with its details and imagery.
Another suggestion this excerpt exemplifies is using
descriptive detail. The sentence, “…he saw zebras, hundreds of them, thundering
across a grassy plan, dust rising boiling brown clouds” is proof of this. The
detail in the adjectives and words helps the reader visualize what the author
of the story is talking about.
The editing mistake I
found this week was from a Facebook comment and it has two editing errors. The
first mistake is that the author wrote “2” instead of “two.” The AP rule on
numbers is that numbers under 10 should be spelled out. The second mistake I
see in this comment is the first comma after “sorry.” I think it would make
more sense if this statement read, “Sorry to post 2, but as they say...”.
I love the example that you found of liveliness! That's the same rule that I highlighted in my post. I've realized that liveliness is one of the most important elements of writing to me. It really makes a book worth reading. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteGood catch on the word "2" and "two." That is something that I can work on more, sometimes I get typing too fast!
ReplyDeleteThat passage is a great example of liveliness. I read a book called “The Chosen” by the same author. He is very good at using descriptive details.
ReplyDelete